In a lengthy blog post on her official website, former TNA Wrestling star Jessicka Havok commented on her time in the company and what went wrong, being called for a WWE tryout at the Performance Center and how online fans likely cost her a deal regarding controversial tweets and more.

Havok wrote, “If a lot of you ‘fans’ had to live your life under the microscope that we have to, you would go insane. Even on a more miniscule scale, whether it be the indies, TNA, WWE, etc. The nerve that some of you have is disgusting and downright bullying, but because you want to have your ’15 minutes’ to judge someone and say hurtful things online behind your phone or computer just to feel relevant, you think its OK, it’s not, I am to a point now where I am fed up with the constant BS that people spread about me and spreading stories about even some of my closest friends, acting like they know the full story when really, they only have pieces, half stories and even some of the half stories are b***s***. You have no right to judge us, as you yourself are NOT perfect, no one is, not one of you.”

Havok then moved on to talk about her TNA run and noted that she was brought in and was d***ed around about a contract for about 9 months before they decided that Awesome Kong’s return was a bigger deal than they anticipated and signed her instead and said that from that point, the company wrote her out, booking her to lose a series of bouts and said that a number of women there did not want to work with her for fear that she would legitimately hurt them and that she had to deal with contradictory instructions and said that she was leaving out a lot of the s****y things that would make the company look 100 times more unprofessional if she repeated it, but she won’t be that guy and said that she does not care who gets mad about it. Havok then noted that WWE’s Sara Del Rey (Sara D’Amato) learned that Havok was never signed to a deal with TNA Wrestling and invited her to a WWE Performance Center tryout, which Havok recounted, stating that she was killing it in the first several days, but that on the third day, once word of her involvement in the tryout was reported, online fans dug up old social media comments that she made when she was younger.

Havok, to the time until the blog was published, had never commented on that matter and wrote:

“On the third day of my tryout, a group of trolls, because they don’t deserve to be called fans, decided to drudge up old tweets from 2010 & 2011 and retweet and tag me in them. A lot of them were me talking s*** about WWE angles and outwardly expressing my disdain for their then women’s division. A lot of girls on the indies then hated it for the way they portrayed women on TV, I was just the only one stupid enough to post openly about it on my social media. I will openly admit that I probably wasn’t mature enough to have a social media account at that point in my career, that was a point of my career when I thought it was cool to cuss in promos and say s*** for shock value. What was worse was that they took tweets of me and one of my best friends tweeting jokes back and forth to each other that was considered stereotypically racist. They were taken out of context and basically, I trended worldwide as a racist biggot. I am not and never have been either of those. I trended worldwide as a racist that day. What is even more f****d up is that the tweets that trended worldwide and got plastered on every dirtsheet website weren’t even real, the KFC one especially. That same group of little trolls used a Twitter app to photoshop these tweets that made it huge. I had a team of people look into this group and I have screenshots and proof of them bragging about screwing me over and even saying things like, ‘who do we mess with next?!’ Again, call me a liar and anything else you can think of, I’ve heard it all at this point, but I have proof kids, I am even told I can sue, slander and defamation of my character, they cost me my dream job. I may pursue it, who knows.

Regardless, I was so devastated to see myself trending online for such an ugly lie. I will admit, some of what I posted was in bad taste, I didn’t need a social media account at that point, tasteless jokes that were absolutely taken out of context. I apologize to everyone who I did offend for ANYTHING I have ever said. I owned up to what I did say, I also issued an apology on Twitter that day, because Dave Lagana from TNA told me to, he reached out to me and told me that even if I didn’t tweet them to apologize, because it would make me look bad if I didn’t, I listened and I shouldn’t have. I was directed to delete my apology from a more reliable knowledgeable source shortly after. I panicked, I was sad, I contemplated quitting, I cried for a month, I didn’t know how I would come back from such a horrible accusation and I only looked guilty, but obviously, I came back a little stronger and with a little thicker skin. It’s going to have to take a little more than a pathetic group of trolls living with mommy to f*** me up. Before each and every one of you judge me or call me names, please make sure you are perfect first, make sure that you have never made a mistake or made someone cry or said something hurtful, make sure you have never made a tasteless, sexist, racist joke of any kind before you judge someone else. We all make mistakes and we learn from them and evolve, we grow and we mature, we become stronger and smarter, we become more aware of what is ok and what is not ok.

I’ve changed and matured and mentally grown over the last 5 years especially. I am a human being, I have feelings, I deserve to be successful and I know my worth. I will be damned if someone who isn’t God himself will tell me I am a failure and a racist and I don’t belong. I am not a racist. I am not a biggot. I love all life. I love everyone. We are all here to make a difference and learn and grow. Listen to all sides and form your own opinion based on your experience with that person/situation.”

Havok’s blog can be read in full at this link.